


Pissing into the Wind

by Kainosite



Category: Political RPF - UK 21st c.
Genre: Coalition, Crack, Gen, Heaven, Next-Gen Labour, Rapture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-20
Updated: 2011-10-20
Packaged: 2017-10-24 19:51:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/267223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kainosite/pseuds/Kainosite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Although he's been lifted bodily into Heaven, Michael Gove is still a troll.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pissing into the Wind

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Trouble in Paradise](https://archiveofourown.org/works/203221) by [bluegarters](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluegarters/pseuds/bluegarters). 



"Should you be doing that?" Chris asks disapprovingly, peering over the edge of the cloud at Ed Balls' head far, far below. It's neat how they can distinctly make out all the tiny shapes on the ground, despite the vast distance. It's like being a hawk, or a spy satellite. As with spy satellites, not everyone is using their powers responsibly.

Gove grins. "We've been lifted bodily up to Heaven, so everything in us must be sanctified. It's holy water really. I'm blessing him."

"That's not how holy water works," Chris says.

"You don't know. Holy water is just a convention; there's no scriptural basis for it. It can work any way we like. Baptism is supposed to occur in living water, and there's no water more alive than this."

He's irritatingly correct about the theology. How Michael Gove manages to know everything except what's happening in his own ministry is an ongoing mystery to Her Majesty's Loyal Opposition. Still, Chris has never been one to concede an argument without a fight.

"That's just semantics. It's not a benediction if the recipient doesn't want you to piss on his head, which I think we can assume he does not."

Gove glances over his shoulder at the center of the cloud, where the Almighty is floating amongst a crowd of MPs.

"God doesn't care."

Chris doesn't presume to know the mind of God, but She certainly hasn't bothered to come over and smite Gove for it. This may be because She is currently embroiled in an argument with Ann Widdecombe about Her gender, which Ann appears to find unacceptable. It's a good thing God is immortal, because it's going to take Ann a few thousand years to air her full list of grievances. Chris watches morosely as the yellow arc of Gove's piss disappears into the sky below. Being Gove, he probably _wants_ God to come over and smite him. Honestly, the people he's going to be stuck spending eternity with, it's almost enough to make Chris wish he'd converted to Judaism so he could stay behind. He misses John already.

"It's going to evaporate long before it hits the ground," Gove says, misinterpreting his dejection as pity for Balls. "I wouldn't actually wee on his _actual_ head."

"That's reassuring to hear," Chris says.

"Say, isn't that Hywel Williams?"

Chris peers over the edge again. Sure enough, the Welsh MP is making his way down Whitehall. Gove gives Chris a distinctly _un_ holy smirk.

"If God didn't want us to take petty revenge, She would have raptured us some clothes."


End file.
